KOMPA! MAGAZINE

[Chachou]

kafou wrote:

Post sa, mwen pap manyinl paske se "Men Bashin Time". i can sense fustration and Anger among you females, tankou nulook kon di'w, si ti ko'w pa bon jete'w. mwen jete'm.

No frustration here Kafou. Just keeping it real for the single ladies out there! But it would be nice if you shared some of your thoughts as a male with the initiator of the post
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Peace,
Chachou

"The Brightest Future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches." Anonymous

[JenJen]

Chachou wrote:

Bon, my reply is simply the more things change, the more they stay the same. What I mean by that is if you are dating someone don't let your guards down just because the person is being "nice". Remember all new beginnings are beatutiful. Especially men--everything new is well new and if their attraction to you in the first place is ONLY physical than you've got big problems if you want to take it to the next level or want to be treated the same. My advice to you Haitian Flavor is that you look past the initial treatment, there are signs to tell you if the person is simply "doing the song and dance to get in your pants" or if they truly want to get to know you and deepen the relationship. If the male is attracted to your physical appearance alone than you need to either walk or get him to see past that physical side before you get intimate. Most relationships begin with physical attraction and that is where you need to be level headed and know what you want--do you want a fling? do you really want to get to know this person and possibly make him/her a permanent figure in your life? All these questions should come into play when considering a relationship. Oh and off course be sure he is NOT married because players will often tell you "they are having problems with their wives...blablabla" DON'T BELIEVE THE HYPE--they just want to get in your pants and walk! Surtout garcon Haitiens! The last advice is if a person is treating you bad after a few months of dating WALK! NO, RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN AWAY FROM THEM!! By the way you can never be sure about anybody but there are signs that you should look for and DON'T discount them whatever you do. My uncle was married for 25 years and got a divorce, I was so upset at him, I didn't speak to him for an entire year. Bottom line was the way he left his wife which to me was wrong. His wife (wonderful woman) was confident that after 25 years her relationship was secure...WELL....Long story another thread! By the way the advice comes from observation, lots of reading and classes taken on human relationships and off course friends sharing their experiences and to a certain extent what I applied prior to deciding to tie the knot! Bon! Dear Abby hope she helped you out .

Very good points and advice! You have to be very observant in a relationship with someone. Some guys think that they can woo you and act really sweet and nice long enough to think that they've got you in the relationship. I don't think it should be that way. If the guy truly likes you and cares for you then he should always want to treat you like a queen.

All is usually nice and rosy in the beginning of the relationship. Everything is new and both parties are putting their best foot forward. I think it's best to not get your emotions too involved until a good amount of time has passed. At this time true colors are revealed and you have a more realistic idea of whom you are in a relationship with. You will also see whether or not the guy is serious about the relationship or if he's interested more in having a good time.

Don't believe everything that you're told. A lot of guys will say and do anything to get you to believe that they are serious and interested in a relationship with you when all they're primarily interested in is getting sex from you. Time and certain actions or lack thereof will tell you how sincere they are.
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JenJen

[Chachou]

Haitian Flavor wrote:

Thanks!!! This is a general observation with 75 percent of Haitian men. They always think there's nothing wrong with the relationship. Meanwhile the women is not as Happy as she should be or was. She just might miss the passion, the no reason phone calls, even if its just to say a quick "HELLO". The anticipation of the next time... They don't necessarily have to be not treating the woman right. I just think the relationship shouldn't change much, even if it's after 1+ years into it. A relationship shouldn't just be sweet in the begining. We should always feel like we're being wooed. Guys Stop taking your queens for granted!!!

I have a little bad news for you Haitina Flavor....

I hate to tell you but the relationship needs to change if you are going to grow. Remember you are two different people, from two different backgrounds in terms of upbringing, family life, friends, experiences, etc. and the more you get to know each other the more you'll find differences which can be good or bad. The trick is you need to be able decided which you are willing to compromise and accept and which you will not. Humans in general change once they know you better--just look around you.. remember when you first met your best friend compare how your relationship with him/her was? There are certain behaviors or words you would never say to this person as opposed to now you are more comfortable and you sometimes even say things that this person does not appreciate or think offensive--but you are friends and therefore should be able to talk it out.

If you are looking to have things stay rosy, it "ain't gonna happen". You can keep your relationship new by doing things to keep it "spicy" but you can't expect to grow if the realtionship remains the same as when you first met.

If you want that occasional "just because" phone call than you need to initiate it a few times yourself. Leave the notes, send the flowers, initiate the romantic candle-light evenings--don't let it be a one way street. Becasue that is not fair either....I am speaking to you assuming you are inquiring of a situation of someone who is not otherwise involved by the way, I will warn you if this person is already involved you could turn the world over unless he truly has intentions of leaving his wife or girlfriend pa gin anyin ou ka fè poul kité--only if she leaves.

Studies show the majority of committed relationship are severed by the woman . Why? because men can't handle it. Once a man commits to a relationship he is committed mentally-cheating or no cheating--I didn't say it studies show proved it. Even those who cheat and all, they will not leave a relationship unless he has no other choice. Obviously there are very few exceptions to the majority--but proceed at your own heartbreak/risk.

Hope this helps.
_________________
Peace,
Chachou

"The Brightest Future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches." Anonymous

[Haitian Flavor]

It's not a matter of not wanting change. I'm all for change. I'm all for growing. However Change doesn't have to be a negative thing. My grand-parents have been married for almost 50 years. Yes they've change. Yes their relationship have grown. However they still do the little things that brought them together in the first place. The passion is still there. The Romance and they both appriciate each other very much. What's wrong with that. Maybe I'm just old fashioned.
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[pipirite]

A post that is based on a generalization of a whole population does not even deserve to be answered or entertained...

But then again, I just did...

Kafou....post sa se pa manyen'l, pa touche'l!!!

Haitian women are so much better, mezanmi....

[Haitian Flavor]

pipirite wrote:

A post that is based on a generalization of a whole population does not even deserve to be answered or entertained... But then again, I just did... Kafou....post sa se pa manyen'l, pa touche'l!!! Haitian women are so much better, mezanmi....

You say that because you probably just like I described.
Why are you getting offended any way? Yeah we are so much better that's why we should be treated like such.
This isn't personal! Or is it???
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[pipirite]

Haitian Flavor,

First of all, my reply was more of a humoristic nature, but then again...

I am not offended at all, but I am very sorry to see how that post was formulated....

My behaviour towards women has nothing to do with my reply...it has more to do wih the fact that you are doing an unfair generalization of a rather big group.

If you said WHY SOME HAITIAN MEN or even WHY A LOT OF HAITIEN MEN....but you chose to say WHY HAITIEN MEN and include all of us...it then become a "men bashing" post like Kafou stated earlier...

What about if I started a post saying "Why haitian woman are very sexually active with their mate until they get married and then...zero bare" Or if I said "Why haitian woman prefer to give it up more to the neighbour than their own husbands". Those are all unfair judgement perpertrated by our community....as the fact that haitian men are hitting every women in sight and does not treat their women very fairly.

I am not disagreeing with you or Chachou's input...but the generelization of it is unfair!!!

There are good guys out there that are treating their wives or girlfriends like queens...and could be saddened by such a post...

This is what I think...

[Haitian Flavor]

pipirite wrote:

Haitian Flavor, First of all, my reply was more of a humoristic nature, but then again... I am not offended at all, but I am very sorry to see how that post was formulated.... My behaviour towards women has nothing to do with my reply...it has more to do wih the fact that you are doing an unfair generalization of a rather big group. If you said WHY SOME HAITIAN MEN or even WHY A LOT OF HAITIEN MEN....but you chose to say WHY HAITIEN MEN and include all of us...it then become a "men bashing" post like Kafou stated earlier... What about if I started a post saying "Why haitian woman are very sexually active with their mate until they get married and then...zero bare" Or if I said "Why haitian woman prefer to give it up more to the neighbour than their own husbands". Those are all unfair judgement perpertrated by our community....as the fact that haitian men are hitting every women in sight and does not treat their women very fairly. I am not disagreeing with you or Chachou's input...but the generelization of it is unfair!!! There are good guys out there that are treating their wives or girlfriends like queens...and could be saddened by such a post... This is what I think...

Fair enough!!!
Guess I should've phrase my topic better. I just haven't haven't come across that many exceptions. I know some unbelievable Haitian man out there. If I sadden any of you guys, my apolygies.
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[pipirite]

HF,

I understand your feeling and I can only say this...

Patience is a virtue!!! You will encounter one for you...

Now I can answer why most of us are like this...

Unfortunately, most of us are only repeating what we always saw in our own home.... A lot of men mistreating their wives, juggling different women are doing it because they saw their own family member do the same thing.

It is a cycle that is hard to break...

We are also victim of society... Some men are afraid of being viewed as weak if they act a certain way, so they prefer to follow instead of leading into a new direction!!!

I have frankly no excuse for the behaviour of my haitian brothers... but I also know that there a lot of good haitian men out there...and you know what is the worst???

Those good haitian men are completely ignored by the women...

Se kom si fanm ayitienne renmen leu neg yo ap maltrete yo...

See....generalization is not good....

[Haitian Flavor]

pipirite wrote:

HF, I understand your feeling and I can only say this... Patience is a virtue!!! You will encounter one for you... Now I can answer why most of us are like this... Unfortunately, most of us are only repeating what we always saw in our own home.... A lot of men mistreating their wives, juggling different women are doing it because they saw their own family member do the same thing. It is a cycle that is hard to break... We are also victim of society... Some men are afraid of being viewed as weak if they act a certain way, so they prefer to follow instead of leading into a new direction!!! I have frankly no excuse for the behaviour of my haitian brothers... but I also know that there a lot of good haitian men out there...and you know what is the worst??? Those good haitian men are completely ignored by the women... Se kom si fanm ayitienne renmen leu neg yo ap maltrete yo... See....generalization is not good....

Excellent point!
Well this 2006, they need to break the cycle. There should be no more excuses! You guys can do better than your father, grand-father and great grand-father. You should follow in their footsteps to some extincts, but also learn from their mistake. Your older now and hopefully much more wiser. You should be able to differenciate what they could've done much better. Or things they should not have done at all.
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